Bitch. Bitch. Mother fucking bitch bitch bitch.
I'm glad you noticed. Or you did, and don't care :) That's always nice too! By the way, note to Laura, no more fucking Smirnoffs for a long time. They burn.
How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore ?
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Why can't the ending be happy?
I sat down and just went over everything. Everything life is supposed to be and everything it isn't. Everything I deserve, everything i've done to deserve what i've been handed. Some of it I didn't deserve .. I don't deserve and I won't accept anymore. I'm sick of holding out hope maybe someone actually does give a shit. I am tired of hearing it but not seeing it. Merlin, there's so much i'd be willing to do for the people I love but now I don't want anyone to love. A conversation I had with Brian yesterday has convinced me that nothing will change. He'll never change. People will never change. Maybe i'll never change. But maybe i'll find someone who won't abandon me in the end - who won't want me to change.
I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want a fuck buddy, despite Brian's best -- but lame efforts and I don't want anyone close anymore. I'm sitting home alone right now. Just like the last .. how many months? I'm done waiting, thinking things will change eventually because deep down they really do care. What a joke. It's kind of pathetic. Sitting here crying all day because you realize the people you love don't love you ? Get it fucking together. I guess relying on other people is out of the question. My feelings are too hurt now and I don't even believe I have a friendship left.
I was a bit freaked out because he was like, "YOU WORKED TODAY!" and I was like, um yes, were you in the store? And he said no..and I asked how he knew and he said because you got home at three. But I was talking to him at like 5:30 so how did he know that? He wouldn't say. SO i'm confused. I am utterly suspicious he works at the Polaris Best Buy though. I went there after work really fast. He could have seen me. He told me he didn't work at that one, but we all know what a fat ass liar he is.
Speaking of fat asses. ME! No more eating. Back into that train of thought. I need to do something but it's so damn hard.
I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want a fuck buddy, despite Brian's best -- but lame efforts and I don't want anyone close anymore. I'm sitting home alone right now. Just like the last .. how many months? I'm done waiting, thinking things will change eventually because deep down they really do care. What a joke. It's kind of pathetic. Sitting here crying all day because you realize the people you love don't love you ? Get it fucking together. I guess relying on other people is out of the question. My feelings are too hurt now and I don't even believe I have a friendship left.
I was a bit freaked out because he was like, "YOU WORKED TODAY!" and I was like, um yes, were you in the store? And he said no..and I asked how he knew and he said because you got home at three. But I was talking to him at like 5:30 so how did he know that? He wouldn't say. SO i'm confused. I am utterly suspicious he works at the Polaris Best Buy though. I went there after work really fast. He could have seen me. He told me he didn't work at that one, but we all know what a fat ass liar he is.
Speaking of fat asses. ME! No more eating. Back into that train of thought. I need to do something but it's so damn hard.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
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