Painful and Real Slow

It's funny how someone you love so much can turn it around on you so fast. I've gone through best friends and i've grown apart from all of them in the past. It just happens. Obviously, i'm doing something wrong. But, i'm stubborn. I do what I do and I think what I think. I like to make my feelings clear and I have. When people say things will change and then they don't I move on. I don't leave things hanging. I don't just accept that things are different when they don't need to be. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. It offends me and I'm sensitive to the fact that one day I can be the best friend in the world to you and the next i'm nothing. I can't stomach it. I can't accept it. I don't care if i've faded or if i've been downgraded. I don't do demotions, I quit. Not that i'm saying there aren't things that can change and that things always have to be my way. But there is a point to where i'm going to accept it or say fuck it. I say fuck it. Fuck this all. 99% of us are failures. I am one of them here. Don't tell me to try harder when your tries are half hearted and full of shit. I don't know how many times I can explain myself in a clear manner. There are only so many nights that I can sit home alone knowing everyone is out doing things without me.

Everything good is happening somewhere else.

True statement. I'm tired of hearing that i'm wanted - and then nothing changes. Nothing changes if nothing changes right. Sure, throw out a few lame invites that are ridiculous. Ask me to one movie that you never follow through on after I say when I can see it. Never invite me to the movies that someone else will see with you, but throw me a bone when no one else wants to go with you. It's not like that? Then hm. How come everything else is being done and seen without me ? Why can this be the one time i'm invited? I'm not going to be the one to call YOU when I know you're out doing shit and invite myself to hang out. What the hell ? How can someone expect that of me? It begins to make someone feel like a right loser when that happens.

In the end - I really don't think that shit matters. I think it's the fact I really fucking needed someone to be here for me while someone else I loved was abandoning me. I never expected it to happen twice.

I'd rather be alone than apart of a - whatever. Things are not how they used to be and it's not my fault. I'm still Laura. Maybe that's the problem. But it's not the whole problem. This has happened before. I guess it's fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice? Shame on me. I've been hurt too much this year. No more getting close to people. No more caring. No more giving a shit.

Everybody leaves. Everyone lets you down. It's time to be happy with myself. I can't do that with you and everyone else making me feel like shit.